The Veiled Lady

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The Gibbs Museum of Art, Charleston, SC.

No Photography! - the sign said.
Lucky for us I cannot read.

A magnificent bust, non?
Oh! She eees too bee-yoo-tee-foo.

Start dropping hints

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You can't get what you want 'till you know what you want,
& in this case, 'till they know what you want.

So if your little hearts desire is an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range-model BB gun with a compass on the side then start cluing in the powers that be. And don't waiver if all you hear is "You'll shoot your eye out kid!"
Stay the course. Eyes on the prize, just look above at Any Kid USA. He scored! Nice hat too!

Here's my hint:
I want to I feel as complete as this kid feels. Is it the BB gun or the fact that someone cared for him?
I want to be asked and heard.
I want a Santa that gets it.
Three "I wants" spelled out & posted. Hint hint.

Yes, "A Christmas Story" aired the other night. Complete with Ralphie and his Dads Major Award lamp.

Remember the made-for-TV Saturday Christmas movie "JT"? About an inner city kid that found a stray cat, kept it among junk on an abandoned lot. JT housed the cat in an old stove and fed him bites from his school lunch. The cat had an injured eye so JT made an eyepatch. The injured stray cat was the only loving connection JT felt.
The dialog I recall from "JT" takes place in the kitchen after Grandma arrives from the bus station:
Grandma: (to JT) What you want for Christmas, Child?
JT: I want me this cat I found. Can it stay with me?
Mom: (defeated) Just what I need, another mouth to feed.

Bummer for JT.
Face it, we are dared, double dog dared, triple dared,
oh, go ahead - we're triple dog dared! That means we just have to do it, it's a triple dog dare. No choice. Just have to do it.
Buy less and care more.
That's a bigger challenge than sticking your tongue to a frozen flagpole.

-- and when you do get what you want,
don't shoot your eye out with it.

Thanksgiving 2005

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Why this is the best holiday:

Corn bread - it's so good as dressing, stuffing, muffins, even for breakfast as a corn meal pancake.

Planes, Trains, & Automobiles (1987 film) - Steve Martin & John Candy can't get home. Ever been there? Ever said "If I ever get home I'm going to nail my feet to the ground"?

Hanging out in a warm kitchen (where the action is) while the slack-jawed stare at the boob-tube.

No pressure to get meaningful gifts. Bring what you enjoy and share.

Eat, relax, have dessert, walk - but not too far, get warm, TV, eat, relax, repeat.

Long distance phone calls are a convenient escape hatch. Most people are available for the call and are mellowed-out too!

Holidays are just starting so Santa & his minions have yet to be overdone.
This year I woke up to "Little Drummer Boy" on my clock radio alarm - before Halloween. I said before Halloween!
I changed the alarm before I did anything else that morning.
Now I wake safely to a CD.
Pah-rum-pum-pum-pum on that October morning was worse than the morning the station was playing "Tie a Yellow Ribbon" when the alarm went off. Both times I had to tell myself "this shouldn't ruin your day".

---------------------
And,
Two sets of prose supporting the theory
"why this is the best holiday":

To Autumn
Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness!
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
. . . (see comments)
- John Keats. 1795–1821
---------------------

Got my ticket, grabbed my load.
Conductor done yelling all aboard.
Find a seat and rare way back.
Watch this train going down the track.
Bring it on home.
(paraphrased)
---------------------

College football rivalry season

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It begins this weekend, the 3 weekend span of the most intense pigskin match-ups.
I like what the Wall Street Journal said today:
"The winners are usually seen carrying off some explicable trophy like a skillet, an axe, or a wagon wheel".

USC Trojans vs. UCLA Bruins (whatsa Bruin?). This years game could be a classic, they're both good again.

Texas Longhorns vs. Texas A&M Aggies (one sided to U of Texas, but emotional still).

The "Big Game" between Stanford and Cal - although many dislike their claim to the nickname "Big Game", they have a right to it: a few years ago the daughter of a sitting President of the USA chose to attend Stanford. I doubt she even considered my alma mater. Throw in UC Berkeley and that's big, son. Add "The Play" to the claim and who can argue except the jealous? Or those that actually follow football - no upsets, low ticket demand, but games are close and it means something to 'em. As if they don't have enough else to brag about...

Florida Gators vs. Florida State Seminoles. Imagine a Seminole warrior on horseback spiking a flaming spear at midfield then screaming at the sky. Do you know of any more impressive way to get up for a game? I got goosebumps thinking about it.

Georgia Bulldogs vs. Rambling Wrecks from Georgia Tech.
[side note: Go ACC basketball! The best round ball in the world!]

Alabama Crimson Tide vs. Auburn War Eagles: a sacred experience, most costly ticket. Lives revolve around the schedule - funerals are postponed (put Grandma on ice, we've got a game to win!)

BYU vs. Utah - the Holy War, a big game to someone, bless their hearts.

Army - Navy. Most sober student section, best organized, least colorful, older fans like it but is it college?

Virginia vs. Virginia Tech - the stadium with the highest GPA on the field, I'll bet.

and so on; all in all a good way to spend a Saturday.
especially when it's:
University of South Carolina Fighting Gamecocks
vs. Clemson University
Everybody likes to beat Clemson, their athletics are consistently tops across the board. Womens Volleyball, B-ball, you name the sport, they've probably had at least one national championship.
But teach your kids the ABCs, Anywhere But Clemson.

Go Go Gamecocks! (Wins mean more when they're rare.)
Go Cocks! Beat Clemson!

Sunday fun with a crab

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The temperature was the 70s, we went to the beach.
After a swim we sat.
It didn't take long to find entertainment using a fierce-looking shell in a tidal pool.

1st: Place a 250 million year old living fossil in plain site near a tourist walking area.
2nd: Sit back and watch the reactions as group after group see it near their bare feet.

Fun for hours!
Each group of beachcombers will think they've discovered the monster.

Four football throwing boys stopped and dared each other to see if it would move - they moved on without getting too close.

One kid was double-dog-dared to touch it, so he got a long stick and was going to mess with it until another kid pushed him from behind.
He jumped and yelped like a schoolgirl. They played like they were mad at each other, using that distraction as an honorable escape from the horror.

Several sets of footprints walked comma shaped detours around the threat.

Elderly women warned their men to steer clear!
Either the men agreed & complied or they ignored the warning while suddenly getting interested in something way over there, in the safe viewing zone.

These horseshoe crabs aren't concerned about having fun on a Sunday afternoon.
They can go a year without eating! Along with cockroaches (& the meek), they shall inherit the earth.

facts:
The Horseshoe Crab has light blue copper-based blood.
They eat at night and burrow for worms and mollusks, feeding with their dozen legs (most with claws).

The eyes have a range of about 3 feet and are used only for locating mates.
Each spring during the high tides of the new and full moons the females arrive by the thousands.
Males, 1/3 the size of females, cluster along the water's edge as the females arrive.
The male hangs on to the female's shell and is pulled up the beach to the high tide line.
She pauses every few feet to dig a hole and deposit as many as 20,000 pearly green, birdshot-sized eggs.
He tags along in tow. Smiling, even grinning & giggling, no doubt. You know.

Masks were used from their skeletons back in the days when people wanted a threatening mask.

Next Sunday:
Chapter 2 of Pass Times 101.
"Gluing a Dollar Coin to the Floor; Observations and Techniques. "
Bonton Press, all rights reserved

Got Wood!

Good wood - for a fire.
Since there's no perspective on this photo I'll spell it out:
this woodpile is about 12 feet high, the base of the tree was over 4 feet in diameter. These logs are too big for a person to handle, we had hydraulics doing the heavy lifting.
Too bad we had to cut it down but look at the internal rot in the trunk - would have come down during our next Hurricane, which may happen at any moment the way it's going these days.
Hurricane Sigma - the summation of all storms (a calculus joke). I don't hear anyone laughing but one nerd snorted milk out his nose. Sigma. Summation. Hardee-har nerd-o.

We need this wood for the upcoming holidays, hey it's November already.
Prepare now for your oyster roast, pig picking, and New Years Eve bonfire! Ain't a party 'till something gets burned!
Need any wood? Over here, come & get it but you must invite me to the burning!

Raven and full moon

Happy Halloween 2005
Not a scary image but it has all the components:
raven, full moon, remote coastal town (think of Hitchcocks "the Birds").

Maybe it's not creepy due to blue sky, the lone bird is just hanging out, and I was in a great mood when I took this photo. The cool vibe of a Spring Sunday afternoon walk overpowers any Halloween macabre.
Was hiking along the Northern California coast in Point Reyes National Seashore.
One of my favorite places in the world, Point Reyes includes Limontour Beach where the waves break with a perfect sound. Each wave is a shore-break; the sets surge in with a whoosh and whoomp sound. They often have an air pocket trapped in the tube that blurps out with a whale or porpoise breaching sound.
On the north end of Limontour sea lions are laying about, on the south end are waterfalls from the cliffs, running directly into the Pacific.
Kite surfing, horses, beach bonfires, isolation.
Now that's a nice beach, eh?

He's pitching a tent

Really, literally.
What?

Scene of a wedding

This is why I have not posted in a week:

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Not only was I been busy with the logistics,
but I've also had to cope with the mental aspects
of the whole shebang.
Someone else got to go to Las Vegas
while I stayed to clean up - traumatic!

National Wild and Scenic Rivers, SC & NC

Such as the Chattooga, the Nantahala, and the Whasitcalhuh.

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Count the 7 hill ranges - the last one is faint, on the horizon.
We swam in several rivers, camped, hiked along ridgelines and alongside the whitewater.
Snorkeled in the billibongs. Strong current! Strong current!
How To:
Get underwater. Find large anchored stones and hook your arm to keep from moving downstream faster than you know is safe.
I surfed several slick rocks while under 4 feet of water by planting my feet, leaning upstream and letting it scoot me along.
Surfed that mountain!
A good ride was had by all.

Whitewater Falls

On the NC, SC border.

Top of Panthertown Valley

A good spot for lunch after a swim in a waterfall, a hike through varied foliage, and before more "wild and scenic" river action.
That's the official title: "National Wild and Scenic Rivers".
So I shouted "wild and scenic" when I changed from my hiking shorts into my bathing suit in front of God, the water, and the trees.

Cooling feet at Devils Elbow

This was an intricate formation in Panthertown.
Way upstream the Devils Elbow started out deep and seemed still. It dropped, turned left, right, went who knows where, then came out around here where we accessed it again. Plenty of wash-out spots to get in if you want cold jacuzzi invigoration.

I'd like to thank . . . .

. . . The SFGate, the online arm of the San Francisco daily newspaper.
They asked for a defining image of summer 2005.
One of the top 5 selected images was our July 4th post:
SFGate Culture Blog:Summer 2005
(scroll down to the sunflower)

they wrote to us:
"Your many "fans of bigbonton" are enthusiastic lobbyists
with a keen eye for talent."

Thanks! You flatter me.
Keep those cards and letters coming!

mid-September, on the road again

Harvest Moon 2005 rising over the old Hwy 40 in western Colorado. Heading east to Denver after a Rocky Mountain excursion.

Yes, this is a recent photo, not a shot from last October 2004.
Needed some thin dry air after surviving my most humid and sweaty summer in decades in the Sea Islands of the Low Country.

Colorado wildflowers on Table.

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South Table Rock, Golden, CO

We hiked to the top of the butte / mesa after work.

Above the Alpine Tundra.

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This marker is also called the top of the Rockies although it's not over 14,000 feet up. It shows direction and distance.
I just love saying "alpine" and "tundra"
so when I can say "Alpine Tundra", well, yee-Haa!

Bull Elk

A bit grainy, this big guy stood head-and-shoulders taller than everything. Add the rack and he was Moose sized.
A whole lotta meat!

Meadow in Rocky Mtn National Park.

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Fly fishing on the left, rushing waters on the right, peaks ahead. In every view there is always a larger peak looming in the distance.

yellow Aspens 2005

a bit early in the season, off in the distance

Hanging Lake

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Hanging Lake II

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Hanging Lake III

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This was a little Hawaiian Eden in the Rockies.
To get there step 1.2 miles up a 1200 Ft elevation gain.
Near Glenwood Canyon, Colorado.
We're big fans of canyons, they have the most dramatic features.

Baseball in Denver

Colorado Rockies vs Arizona Diamondbacks


Of course the Rockies lost, not even close.
Saw Arizona Diamondbacks second basemen Craig Counsell bat with that peculiar stance he has.

Better hurry if you want to see the Rockies play, it's late September, they won't play much longer this year.
For you un-sporting readers: this is a post season play-offs joke.
- I once went to Wrigley Field. The Cubs were not playing, it was October . . . (same joke).

Does anyone know why the AZ pitcher was thrown out of the game? Happened in the 9th inning & by then we were having too much fun in the stands to pay much attention.

Spiders from Mars

A Kansas City-based UFO expert says Mars is inhabited by giant spider-like creatures.
The expert also says orbiting Mars probes have photographed large sponge-like creatures similar to tumbleweeds rolling across the Martian landscape on a regular basis.
The floating, rolling, and tumbling process is apparently an established transportation method.

In this actual photograph (above), local NASA affiliate bonton laboratory has re-created an image from the red planet to enlighten our readers. The use of night vision lenses resulted in the green hue.
(He took it all too far, but boy could he play guitar)

Faces in the Water

Look!

So far 3 visions have materialized in the above photo.
So go ahead & look. Stare, you will see.

It is now nearly impossible to tell
where Lake Pontchartrain ends and the city of New Orleans begins.
The Crescent City is practically destroyed ...

Katrina and the Wave has harshed our mellow.

Don't it make you feel bad
When you're tryin' to find your way home,
You don't know which way to go?

Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

All last night sat on the levee and moaned,
Thinkin' about my baby and my happy home.

Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan,
Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well.


- LED ZEPPELIN - When The Levee Breaks

Cactus Bloom

This is the bloom of a cactus plant, do you know the name?
[see comments: Hairy Giant Starfish Flower, a carrion flower]

It blooms at night, stays open for about 1 day then wilts.
During that time it stinks - hints of low tide, spoiled seafood, dead fish, etc. Some fragrance!

I think I've heard of these in Death Valley, CA.
A backpacker said they awoke to find their desert world alive with beautiful blooms but it took a while for them to connect those flowers to the stinking smell they also awoke to, described as "dirty feet" or "hiking boots with a special Death Valley sauce", and "something very wrong that we must fix right away".

The blossom features tiny hairlike projections (not captured in the photo), very fine and beautiful. Nice pattern and the sort of plant you want to touch.
On the right are 3 pods that will bloom next, one at a time, at night, lasting for one day. Hold your nose! One bloom at a time sounds like Mother Nature doesn't want to stink you out, just wants to broadcast and protect the short lived blossom.

Nice cactus bloom visually and tactilely, but olfactorily it is a real piece of work. What a mechanism to pollinate and defend itself, it stinks!
If only it were that easy for me.
I can stink with the best of 'em.

blue crab boiler

Feeding the masses.

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See how Blue the Blue Crabs are pre-steaming?

We spent hours cooking and eating several tubs of these blue crabs,
along with shrimp, flounder, new potatoes, corn on the cobb, sausages,
and anything else that wasn't nailed down.

Catch It.
Cook It &
Eat It!

Elvis Lives!
He stopped by Saturday night, looked good,
was cutting up with the karate chops in the yard with the kids.
What an appetite!

tray full of food at Lester's BBQ

Write-up to follow, right now I'm too BBQ blissed out
to speak.

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This is a 5 star establishment.

Shut up sammich

This is what you get
when you do not time your lunch right.

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Showing up for lunch at 3pm does not get you into the BBQ buffet (which was our reason for being there).
For now I'm not naming any names of this Q joint because I want to return during normal hours to review this establishment with a post-BBQ-buffet glow.
They are deserving of your business and my off-schedule experience may dampen your enthusiasm for patronizing the joint. It's a family biz and they're good folks.
Founder Big Pappy (BBQ pseudonym) made a leap of faith and tried to provide for his boys by starting a restaurant during the depression by selling the family cow and mule - their source of dairy and veggies.
One son, the proprietor of this place, might have eaten a lot of cabbage cole slaw while growing up.

For you soft handed urbanites:
cow = milk, butter, cheese;
mule = plow, thus = vegetable garden.
Email me for further clarification, including "what's a mule?".
Also welcome are reader comments on "40 acres & a mule", the allegory of dead mules in Southern literature, or covers of "Mule Skinner Blues".

back to the story.
The place has been around a while, they have good food. Seen above are:

mustard base BBQ sauce. Tangy with mustard and vinegar,
this sauce wants to be a symbol of SC BBQ
and it is a metaphor of the economic situation of South Carolina.
It's an isolated sauce, found only in regional enclaves.
While worthy and competitive it is not well known nor much sought after beyond its origin primarily due to unpolished presentation and being overshadowed by more effective communication delivered by the BBQ of neighboring NC, GA, VA.
As goes mustard BBQ sauce
so goes South Carolina's economic indicators.

The one huge onion ring has more batter than the law allows.
But since it looks like the Apple QuickTime logo I like it. I just didn't eat it without peeling off all that fried batter.

The sandwich was good but we came for their buffet with smoked meat, this is some sort of potroasted or oven cooked pork. While tasty and tender it's just a sandwich on a bad wonderbread burger roll, not that fire & smoke-based cooking we've been spoiled by.
Oh! I just realized what this sandwich is made of: Buffet leftovers.

I hung out a while and read the local free rag with the "shut up" hand on the cover. Lunch after 3pm did get me a good caffeine buzz - refills from the self-serve soda stand. Enough so that while awake at 12:45 AM I figured I'd had way too much diet coke 7 hours prior.

Stand by for their full review!

Ol' Snake Boot

Snake Boot / cargador de la serpiente

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Snake Skin boots con Snake Head.
It took at least one snake per boot.
I couldn't decide which profile I liked best so the whole collage gets posted for your pleasure. Can't you just hear the snake rattle?

Hint Hint:
Only 16 more shopping days until my Birthday on the 17th.
Hint Hint:
Snake Skin boots never go out of style . . .
But those heads would soon be kicked loose,
I stub my toes daily.
They wouldn't look so vicious / vicioso
after a few days on my feet.

While daydreaming about wearing these bad snake headed boots I got one mango and one coconut frozen fruit on a stick.
The cashier was busy with a fly-swatter
keeping the place fly-free, which took some faith that it was even possible.
Good for her,
gracious, I mean gracias!

Seafood Social

This photo shows my chow position at the sawhorse and plywood table.
We are way out here where the June Bugs sing, the locusts drone and the humidity has won.
Give it up y'all, looking calm cool & collected
just ain't gonna happen tonight.

This is my corner of the table:

click on them to name those bugs!

As the Czechs in Bohemia say, it's "cucumber season",
with all the double entendre a hot summer deserves.

Shed your addiction to comfort, it's making you soft.
Release the pretense, be so sans souci,
do without dippity do for a day. Feel a bead from your own cooling system trickle down your scalp.
Just leave it and get elemental.
Drop any effort in an outdoors of consumption, sweat & talk.
We socialize by melting together.

Ladies: any makeup, disco war paint, or Kabuki mask will not work out here in this steamed Eden.
Go au naturale or stay miles away in your A/C protected safe zone,
lest your face appears to melt when that face-paint drips and smears.

Uh . . . when I said "go au naturale", um, before you show up nude, dropping into our al fresco neither region, . . .
oh, drop it, it's too darn hot.
Just show up with
baby powder & a smile in your T-shirt & shorts.

Guys: Summer is on us like a load.
Either your sit-up regime has paid off or Dunlap disease has taken over since winter, as in your belly done lapped over your belt.
Let your shirt stick to your back but don't let your posture melt. Smile while telling a light hearted tale when it's your turn to entertain.
Expound on the art of the peel-&-eat. Eat with your hands, play with your food - especially the claws.

Hot & Humid Hints:
A white T does not show perspiration like a color T.
White is this seasons black.
It's OK to bring an extra dry shirt. Some bring hand towels to prevent excess drippage.
Avon Skin-So-Soft for the Ladies and Bait Shop for men is the fragrance du jour.
Nervous or Sour? Stay away, the air is thick enough without attitude. We're surviving this together &
we are having fun (yet) it sure is hot.
(long deep breath, exhale & sigh)

There's more than plenty to eat.
Hang around, slouch, lean, talk, peel shrimp, crack crab, look around, listen to how loud bugs and frogs can be in real life.

Just go slow, take it easy.
The only rush: drink fast to enjoy a cool beverage or two from under the ice. Rationale: liquids return to a luke-warm state real quick 'round here.
We're way down yonder where the wild things are.

For our Eastern European cousins that think
seafood looks like insects, there's sausage-kolbasz, corn du la cob, even potatoes-krumpli. You crazy dry-heat landlocked Euro's, I know you're reading this in Prague, Budapest, Pecs, Krokow: tudod es az nem boi. Sammi boi, ez nyaris most. Boldog Nyar ket-ezer-ot. Vagyok kes delis, delirious, delicious. [Spelling corrections welcome]

+ 92 degrees, + 95% humidity.
Stay in the shade & detox through steambath dining.
A mid-summer purification ritual!

Steamy weather

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Sky is overcast from the category 4 Hurricane in the Gulf.

The new Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge towers are
758 feet above Charleston Harbor.

Chucktown's new bridge

Walked the new Cooper River Bridge:


click photo to enlarge
The Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge.
Towers are 572 feet above the roadway.
Roadway is 186 feet above Charleston Harbor.

The little bridgetop on the left is the old
John P. Grace Bridge,
built way back in 1929. Still in use!
It's the "old Cooper River bridge" and is a
two lane - too narrow - too scary bridge
with metal grates on the roadway at the top that make a loud tire noise like the bottom fell out just as you got to the top and the car is plunging.

If you have the nerve you can look through the
metal grate roadway down to the water.
Way Down!

Mammoth Sunflower

U-Shuck Corn 10 cents an ear.
102F heat index.
Rain & thunder from 1 am to 4 am.
Spent Saturday drifting downstream in tea colored water.
Spent Sunday scratching whelps on my legs from mosquito bites or maybe I have fleas. Doesn't matter, it's been a wonderful 4th.

Happy Fourth Of July 2005

PS:
end of summer 2005:
This photo won an award
SFGate Culture Blog:Summer 2005
(scroll down to the sunflower)

If you came here through the SFGate link, try also this other July 4th Post.
and don't forget the
Main Page

Miss Watermelon Queen 2005

working the crowd at the
50th Annual Watermelon Festival,
Hampton, South Carolina.

The Queen was wonderfully gracious when I approached asking for a photo. She carried herself with elegant poise and made me feel like an old friend - at a proper distance, of course.
Thanks for the photo-op & enjoy your reign!

Miss Wade Hampton High 2005

working the crowd at
the 50th Annual Watermelon Festival,
Hampton, South Carolina.
The Queen has a seasoned entourage. They know to scatter off-screen during photo shoots. They reconvene immediately after the image of The Queen is captured for posterity.
Her minions mill about her, tossing out observations for The Queen to latch onto. The Buzz is contagious.
Oh no higher reward than to please The Queen!

Crepe Myrtle

Note the wisp of Spanish Moss.
Happy Happy Joy Joy

Sea Wolf IV

seawolfcharter.com
A catamaran with new twin Cummings, we made 28 and 30 knots offshore.
Captain Wally knows his stuff & knows a good time.
"A good time was had by all"

Mess o'Fish

photo below, from the top:
1) Spanish Mackerel, caught trolling over the Betsy Ross Reef
LORAN C-45504.1/61061.9 // GPS-32 03.427/080 24.851
2) A large mouth surprise photo'd at the dock. I shot this one.
With this camera. It was much larger than the cooler it was draped over - about 4 feet of solid fish not including the tail. He could swallow your head up to your shoulders.
3) Sea Bass, from 40 miles offshore. Not telling where. Off Hilton Head in the Atlantic. Look at those eyes - clear means fresh.


click the photo!
Actual fish are larger than they appear.
I grin everytime I read that.

Quite a haul & by the time I reeled in my last thundering Sea Bass of the day I'd fished myself out. We got a big laundry basket full of fish. Even after cleaning we had a cooler stuffed full of meat.

At the reef our Spanish Mackerel catches were often partials - barracuda found us and were biting off our Spanish Mackerel catch before we could land them. We were pulling up heads or fish with a significant bite missing from their abdomen.

More yapping about fishing:
"I" caught the biggest shark until my buddy one-upped me. But mine fought more!
"I" also made the biggest commotion over nothing, hooting & crowing while reeling in a "shark or something" that turned out to be some sort of epileptic sand dab / guppy. It felt big. Perhaps a shark did a bait & switch?
"I" claim to have caught the most, but admit most of mine were from an Elementary School and were tossed back to graduate.

One undisputed superlative "I" earned:
"I" tossed cookies the most. Twice.
Nobody else got sick over the side although some looked like they felt like it on a few trolls. When I hurled my experience at sea showed. Everyone agreed that I really know how to barf with finesse.
Along with the "Most Urps" award "I" also earned the "Best Bounce-Back" award: "I" ralphed, "I" rinsed my mouth, blew my nose to clear the stomach acid from my sinuses, and "I" re-started fishing & yapping again without delay.

"I" persevered against these obstacles and kept on fishing.
Then I accused a guy of hogging the "Luck Corner" of the boat when he caught several in a row and I was on a dry spell.
Fish, Fish, fish-fish. Fishing!

dangerously seductive enchantress

Her name is Eve.
She is in league with the serpent and the world is wrapped around her finger.
Eve is looking at you. perhaps thou art next for her.
"Take a bite of the apple, don't you want to know what it's like?"
If Man looketh directly into her eyes his free will shall be lost.
Enjoy your eternity.

Memorial Day 2005

A serene photo for all Airmen, Marines, Soldiers, Sailors, Merchant Seamen and all the ships at sea.
Semper Paratus!
Semper Fi!

We came, we casted, we cooked.
Let Summer 2005 begin!

Warsaw feng shui

photo from an apartment of a friend in Warsaw, Poland.
He says he feels a stiffness or soreness in his neck and shoulder.
I asked "on the right side?".
He: "Yes, yes, do you have any idea how to cure this sharp pain?"
I: Hmm, let me think . . . rearrange your furniture?

Celery

Some of you have accused me of having too much time on my hands.
One reader even mentioned "idle hands are the devils workshop"
Au contraire! Not true! Here's proof:
Celery + blue food coloring = Celery dot jpeg.
Where's the devil in that?
Just goes to show you, when people criticize you they are jealous.
Now let's all get back to work!

BBQ in NC

North Carolina BBQ is the next frontier for our excursion
And what a fitting place for it to begin.
This place has
- NASCAR memorabilia aplenty,
- Eastern NC style vinegar-based Q,
- pretty country-girl waitresses,

and getting there involves so many turns

on sporadically-marked country roads

I must advise you to have a full tank of gas and a bottle of water before you get underway.

No map can help you on these backroads,

enlist the services of a guide sympathetic to the mission.

No photo on this one,
it would have been like photographing something sacred or holy.

their card:
Lancaster's
Eastern N.C. style
Bar-B-Cue
Cooked Fresh Daily
Rinehardt Rd.
Mooresville, NC
704-663-5807
Fax 704-663-7407
VM 704-662-7455

It looks odd to me to see a fax # and VM # on a card,

but they didn't ask my advice on their info-flow.

Gary's Bar-B-Q

click photo to enlarge in new window

I love places that have their own postcards!
On his Gary states:

Gary's Bar-B-Q
China Grove, NC
Located on Hwy 29-601
We are famous for our good Bar-B-Q
Dining Room-Curb Service and catering
Decorated inside with hundreds of antique advertisements
Open Monday thru Saturday 10:00 A.M. 9:30 P.M.
Closed Sundays-Phone (704) 857-8314

BBQ Plate at Gary's

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North Carolina Q is unique. Consistently the most tender with a taste that stays fresh. This was the chopped version (as opposed to pulled, AKA shredded).

Gary served his Bar-B-Q plate with a version of cole slaw I've never seen (top center of plate), a reddish hue from red pepper? Or tomatoes? Finely diced or minced, it had typically tasty but unknown ingredients. A well done mix of somethings.
Hush Puppies had that grainy corn meal goodness and were not oily.
A tomato slice topped with a dollop of mayonnaise for those that like it, I always shy away from eating anything that looks like mayo but I cleaned my plate like a good guest to China Grove, NC.

Note the visor. I've come a long way from that camouflage cap in Natchez, Mississippi:
"Eureka! Perfect BBQ is Found"

This visor was a gift from an American entrepreneur.
This exact visor is the beta "LKNative" product line, the "Lake Norman Native" parody of those LKN (Lake Norman) bumper stickers reported to be sported by area newcomers trying to be "Local-er-than-thou".
Available for those in the know, email us (hit "reply email " on top left of page)
to get a hookup with the insiders goods for all y'all Charlotte, Lake Norman, Davidson and Mooresville hipsters. The Summer 2005 must-have accessory!
Remember that Hilton Head T-shirt "I'm not a tourist, I live here"?
Hey if it worked for me then you too can hook up this summer with your LKNative gear!

Gary's waitress was a Melanie Griffith double & could pass for 16 years old but a more impartial eye said she's about 22. She has a 3 year old son, so again (see prior post below) they breed young around here and again I see why it's hard for 'em to resist. She provided mo'tea like a champ, I pretended it was because she thought I was special (she didn't). They have that great crunchy ice, I had to get one last hit for the road. Our driver was coveting a vintage VW microbus getting curb service and spilled his to-go tea all over the parking lot but I never considered sharing mine; it was one of the first hot muggy days.

This excursion marked the 1st time I rode shotgun on a BBQ tour.
After more than 8,000 miles I'm open for drivers interested in chauffeuring an excursion-mobile to the next pit stop. BBQ pit, that is.
If you apply for an excursion remember the 2 rules:
no fast food and no Interstate highways

North Carolina Fried Pickles

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Regarding Fried Pickles
Let me get two things out of the way:
1/ The worst thing about fried pickles is the idea of fried pickles.
2/ The second worst thing about fried pickles is encouraging the stereotype of Southern Fried everything, which would not have been an issue if I’d had my first fried pickle in Napa, Chinatown, or San Francisco. And I would have except I never saw any fried pickles on the appetizer menu in those particular locales.

Stereotypes are based on something and I did have my first fried pickle slice in a small North Carolina town known for its close NASCAR affiliation, NASCAR being quite a Southern thing. Or thang, y’all. [side note: I learned the origin of the phrase “git ‘er done” while on this excursion]. This Carolina-ville features a lake and shiny-happy kids walking to school with a white picket fence. It's the type of idealized small town America that real estate marketing departments try to recreate in their planned communities. Here there are no gates with security codes protecting the community, just neighbors that know more about you than you may wish, but they also know what’s going on and will not hesitate to eyeball activities from the front porch for the common good. All located on the opposite side of the state from Mount Olive, home of the giant pickle corporation that you might expect to promote anything as long as it sells pickles. Inside tip: check your Sprawl-Mart grocers shelves for Extreme Fried pickles - microwaveable and available in the bread & butter event or the gherkin experience.

While eating we did not see any NASCAR celebrities but since this fried pickle stand is covered with mucho stock car racing memorabilia (I’m trying to avoid typing NASCAR again) in the way that only stock car racing (avoiding saying NASCAR again) can cover every inch with a logo, we did not lack for any stock car racing sights. Our waitress said we just missed some [NASCAR] racing celebrity whose name was unknown to me anyway. I’ll bet she says that to all her tables. Our waitress sure was pretty & healthy in that small town way. She was quick without seeming rushed or harried. She worked hard with a calmness, was not over caffeinated to get though her shift. She let us know that her son has outgrown Little League so he now plays softball. Doing some mental math, we surmised that they breed young around here. Looking at her, I understand why (& how).

The fried pickle appetizers are served by a “Sonny” whose father (“Daddy”?) owns the only seafood place in town. Sonny owns the only BBQ place in town. A mini food service dynasty since there no other dining choices within 25 miles that is not a chain, franchise, or StarBucko-McBell.

I like fried pickles. You would like them too. If you ever have the opportunity to order them remember to keep your mind as open as your mouth.
Tastes like salt & vinegar potato chips, without the crunch.

Full disclosure, not sure of the connection:
In a party of 3,
One-third of the diners barfed within 3 hours of eating fried pickles.
A second one-third tossed his cookies 2 days later. That second diner to erp-up has a stomach of legendary endurance, so the 2 day vomit delay may not negate a link to this novelty appetizer.
Come to think of it, the remaining one-third of the sample diners didn’t eat any fried pickles & she didn’t upchuck at all (at last survey).
Just the facts. Any causal relationship must be determined.

I’d eat fried pickles again. I draw the line at deep fried Twinkies since I am on a Twinkie-free diet. The origin of those Twinkies being deep fried is at a state fair in Ohio, which is not a Southern state (so there). Which also explains why I’ve never had deep fried Twinkies: I’ve just never had the opportunity . . .

How To Do It

She's the Queen Source of Information


We celebrate access to information and she's holding the guide book. Venetian blinds open, she's not afraid of the neighbors. What she is afraid of is being posted to the Internet.
BOO!
Not so bad, is it?